“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind” – Bernard M. Baruch.
Time and again the people pleaser inside me springs to life and swings into full action. I don’t understand why the urge to please the other person takes over me like I am possessed by a demon. It is not about self-love. I love myself, I mean I am on my way to attain it and better than before. But I am yet to attain that level of speaking my mind. I don’t like people around me to be unhappy and disappointed and no matter what state I am in I love to make the other soul happy and at times I feel the going out of the way to bring solace to others takes a piece of me. Because while I am happy making others happy, losing people makes breaks my heart.
I have always been brutally honest. I have had a tough time living this way, especially after I began to work and slowly I feel in my route of introspection I am falling back instead of moving ahead. I mince words and not speak my mind until I feel the another person is open enough to take it in the right spirits.
I have been low on spirits due to my falling back and few other things in life. But today as I ponder over the quote by Baruch, I realize I was too afraid of losing people whom I love. The resistance I am showing towards my natural habit of brutal honesty is the reason why I am falling back. The people who love you and accept you the way you are knows what you would say and don’t mind . They may be cross with you for some time but they will always get back to you. And those who mind your nature and repel out were just a phase and were never meant to be. My honesty has earned me a lot of people and has made our bonds stronger and at the same time lost many.
I have come to believe that any relationship will sustain when you accept the other person with all their flaws , reflect on life and be who you are. Let go of all the negative baggage but never ever give up on you. Just remain who you are and you will attract the right people. The day you start bending, molding yourself to other’s needs in order to retain them, from that day on you have lost yourself.
Today I believe in this more than ever. Are you a person who is brutally honest too ? How has been your experience with this nature of yours?
And this dialogue from Grey’s Anatomy hits me like a known gust of wind. I have loved this dialogue always and today it has taken prominence.
One: I love Grey’s Anatomy and that quote is my favorite!
And I somehow am not brutally honest with people. I always feel that my words would hurt the other and however I try words just don;t come out. I sulk and brood over stuff and if I’m badly hurt then I would think of doing something about it. Bad, I know 😛
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I am not very honest before everyone.I am like that only to close ones. But, I also go out of my way to please people around me. positive vibes always spread and I want t do that.
I agree with your words.
Have faced such situations owing to my honesty.
I feel people accept the one they ‘love’.
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I usually am honest but sometimes I’ve to hold back. But yes I don’t like to please people I will do something only if I want to do it. Being yourself is the best thing to do!
I’m far from brutally honest. But, as I grow older, I find I speak up more. Perhaps not on Facebook or my blog, but in other aspects of my life.
I too want to say what I feel but it’s always better to be kind.You are doing very well.
Loved this introspection Ramya. Join hands with someone who has also suffered for being brutally honest. Hold on the sufferings look and sound bigger on the face but when you look back after some period of time you feel good about yourself and love yourself more as you took a stand . Keep rocking woman and never leave your side
Hey join hands with some one who has also gone through the same and trust me never give up . Never leave yourself and a little suggestion is when you look back you will feel that those pains were lesser than feeling better that you stood your ground. Keep rocking woman
This is usch an honest and from the heart kinda writing Ramz. BTW this is my favourite quote that I write everywhere when needed 😉
Go with the flow with people and words too darling. Its the intention that needs to be watched more than words – May the force be with you!!! Hugs
I think it’s important to be yourself. People should accept you for who you are, you shouldn’t have to bend over backwards to please people. The best relationships – and the most meaningful ones – are forged in honesty. You’re a very wise soul. 🙂
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Ramya, the fact that you are introspecting and evolving is big enough. Most people go through life thinking they are right and that is it.
Be yourself, if that means not mincing words are being straight-forward. People might take some time to get used to this side of yours , if they haven’t seen it before, but they eventually will. And you will be at peace:)
I am yet to come to terms with this stuff of being brutally honest.What degree should that honesty be upto? A little dishonesty is ok,say,like telling someone they look good when actually they are not.What is the purpose in being honest and hurting someone.There is always another way to be dishonest.We can just tell the other person they are better inside than outside.
Of course,that doesn’t mean we have to change ourselves to please others.Thats a different stream of thought.